Today on the show:

• Michael goes on an epic rant about his appearance and how he hates the way he looks.
• Michael gets drunk at a family wedding in El Paso and has lots of funny stories. Michael says that his mother is the Brian Williams of parenting.
• The people of Juarez have been brainwashed to all believe that the city is no longer a deadly city.
• Michael talks about how much he hates Halloween.
• The Caitlyn Jenner Halloween costume makes Halloween a bit better for Michael.
• Tony says that he want to dress as Lamar Odom and just walk around with a bag of cocaine and fall down on the ground dead.
• Donald Trump continues to entertain with his over the top speeches that don’t make sense.